Rapid fire reviews of various steam sale games I bought and subsequently played briefly

Opinion, Video Games

By William Chandler

This piece is pretty self explanatory thanks to my extreme talent for making stupidly long and elaborate titles for my articles because I have a shit sense of humor, so let’s just jump right in.

Please note that I only played these for about two hours each so far.

Child of Light: Yo, this game is mad pretty, so props to the Ubi Art engine for making an attractive Ubisoft game that is actually well optimized on PC. Like, the art style is so beautiful and the music is so absurdly calming and emotionally charged that I immediately found myself falling under its charm. So, in order to maintain my facade of critical professionalism I had to immediately find something wrong with it. The story is under the guise of a children’s tale which apparently means all of the dialogue has to rhyme and that is whack as fuck. It just makes every character cringe worthy instead of charming. Also, there are only two difficulty settings and the Casual one is so easy that i may as well be watching someone else stream the game on Twitch with the amount of interaction that I have with it, but the Expert one is a little harder than I wanted because it means I actually have to try and that is just unacceptable.

Murdered: Soul Suspect: The fact that the title of this game is a pun straight up rocked my world. Like, the protagonist was murdered and is investigating his own shit as a ghost, so he’s like a Soul with suspects but it also means like Sole Suspect like you only have a single suspect in your case and that’s fucking hilarious. The game is decidedly alright.

Risk of Rain: The constantly changing difficulty of this game really hurt my feelings. I did pretty well on the first level and really enjoyed how the game forces you to adapt extremely quickly to its mechanics lest you get your shit stomped in. So, I beat the first level of the game in a single thirty minute session that involved me wildly running around and flailing my arms in an attempt to not be railed by flying jellyfish and clapping robots. I was actually having a pretty good time learning the mechanics and my character’s capabilities on the fly. However, near the end of the level I noticed that the difficulty meter at the top of the screen had shifted to “very hard” and when I transitioned to the next level it stayed that way. The absurd desecration of my body that occurred at the hands of these much stronger adversaries forced me to quit the game and stare at my wall for several moments in a futile attempt to stop the tears from flowing.

Maybe I’ll do a Part 2 of this at some point.

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Enjoy the benefits of a capitalistic monopoly with the Steam sale

News, Video Games

By William Chandler

The annual Steam summer sale began today at noon and will purportedly continue through the 28th, with an encore event of the best deals lasting until the 30th. It’s extremely hard not to be excited by the prospect of buying stupidly large quantities of games at actually reasonable prices and then subsequently never playing them, but I pride myself on being a debbie downer. I mean, there is quite a large number of Early Access games in the top sellers page of Steam right now that, due to being in Alpha and already making boatloads of money, will probably not be discounted. Which is fine and dandy, but it just rubs me the wrong way that many of these games can be publicized as nearly complete on the front page while actually being hardly even playable, yet will likely avoid going on sale due to their incomplete nature. It’s just a weird situation, ya know?

Whatever. I gotta go buy Democracy 3 on sale right now.

Pretending like I actually take this seriously

Site Update

Yeah, I totally took a week off for E3. Partially because there’s no way that Nerd Orgy can possibly compete with actual news outlets in the coverage of that stupid event, but mostly because I spent that time getting drunk and doing drugs like any good writer does in his or her downtime. That said, all good things must come to an end, so I now dutifully resume my professional duties and responsibilities as an entitled and jaded member of the gaming public.

Expect to see us test some new types of content in the coming weeks as we work out exactly what the fuck this thing is even supposed to be.

Bad blood at the Bungie offices

News, Video Games

By William Chandler

Award winning composer Marty O’Donnell, best known for his exquisite work with Bungie on the Halo franchise from its initial inception all the way through Reach, is now suing his former employer after his shockingly sudden departure from Bungie in April. Apparently, the termination was even said to be without notable cause. The lawsuit also claims that O’Donnell has yet to receive the promised post-termination benefits that were outlined by Bungie.

Yo, team Marty all the way. Not only because the Halo soundtracks are of some of the best quality of any big budget game to date, but also because it definitely seems that Bungie are being super lames as of late. Like, Destiny looks totally uninspired and Bungie appears to have lost its former down to Earth cool mentality in favor of a much more corporate demeanor, which is always a bummer.

That said, we’ll see how this plays out.

Do you like mixing your console peasantry with PC gaming glory? Do I have great news for you

News, Video Games

By William Chandler

If you lack the sophistication or hand eye coordination to use mouse and keyboard properly then perhaps you’ll be happy to know that Microsoft have come through with a solution to ease your pain. The fabulously constructed Xbox One controllers may now be connected via USB to your PC and will work as long as these drivers are installed.

As someone who occasionally enjoys seeing how the other half lives, this is great news.

I hope you guys want more Dark Souls 2 because there is some more Dark Souls 2 to be had

News, Video Games

By William Chandler

According to this overall mediocre announcement trailer, there is roughly three episodes of more Dark Souls 2 for you to die in. What’s the deal with this arbitrary episodic format you ask? Exactly how long is an “episode” of content in regards to Dark Souls 2? They’re certainly making it seem like it is broken up by locale, but most locations in Dark Souls 2 usually only take maybe an hour each to get through, so perhaps these are straight up massive environments. I don’t know, man. Sometimes I don’t have all the answers.

Dubbed The Lost Crowns, the DLC has you traveling to distant foreign lands to recover three crowns that King Vendrick once owned. That’s all we know right now. I want more Dark Souls 2 so I’m relatively excited, but I can’t help but be bummed at how cheap and uncool this announcement trailer is.

It looks like you can expect to be playing Episode 1 of The Lost Crowns on July 22nd.

Peep this video explaining the much needed netcode improvements in the new Battlefield 4 Patch

News, Video Games

By William Chandler

Better late than never, as they say. Battlefield 4’s often chastised low tickrate problem is about to be fixed. The most noticeable improvement by far is in the hit detection, meaning you won’t find yourself getting shot for a few moments after you enter cover and whatnot. But that’s not all!

According to this post on the official blog, there are several other notable improvements like:

• Improved/reduced explosion induced camera shake
• Character collision improvements
• Fix to reduce object damage mismatch between client/server.
• Fix explosion packs not being able to be shot sometimes
• Improvements for client side packet loss
• Client crash fixes

Honestly, this might just be enough to get me back into playing the game. If only briefly.

My President played only slightly less of The Witcher 2 than I did

News, Video Games

By William Chandler

I love RPGs and really wanted to like The Witcher 2. Hell, technically I do like The Witcher 2 from what little I played of it. It just came out during a time of my life when I didn’t have much time for gaming and I haven’t been able to return to it since then. But I’ve seen the opening part with the jail and the boobies on at least four separate attempts to play through it since then. Oh well… Add it to the list.

President Obama received a copy of the game during a visit to Poland back in 2011 from the Prime Minister because CD Projekt Red, developers of The Witcher 2, are Polish and the Polish Prime Minister totally knows what the fuck is up in his country. This year, on a return visit, Obama gave a speech in which he mentioned that gift briefly:

The last time I was here, Donald gave me a gift, the video game developed here in Poland that’s won fans the world over, The Witcher. I confess, I’m not very good at video games, but I’ve been told that it is a great example of Poland’s place in the new global economy. And it’s a tribute to the talents and work ethic of the Polish people as well as the wise stewardship of Polish leaders like prime minister Tusk.

He’s busy like I am and didn’t get the chance to play it either.

I’m right there with you Obama. Maybe you’ll clear out your backlog one day.

Homefront: The Revolution reminds you that you actually played through that mediocre Homefront game in 2011

News, Video Games

By William Chandler

Yo, guys, come on. Of all the IPs acquired from the liquidation of THQ properties, why is Homefront the one that gets a sequel right out of the gate? I mean, yeah, it looks absurdly pretty with that CryEngine shine, but that still doesn’t change the fact that Crytek has had a lot of trouble with game development as of late. Ryse was decidedly dreary from a gameplay perspective and don’t even get me started on whatever they’ve done to my beautiful, once PC exclusive, Crysis franchise. Say what you will about stupidly poor high to low end hardware scaling, the original Crysis was a bastion of excellent FPS gameplay that has long since been lost to the likes of the corridor shooter. But I digress.

Homefront: Revolution is a next gen, open world shooter set in a newly united North and South Korean occupied America. More specifically, the game takes place in Philadelphia, presumably because something has to. The game plans to allow players to use all of the dirty tactics in the book of guerrilla warfare to overthrow their Korean oppressors.

I’m admittedly being a little undeservedly harsh on this game, but I’m just skeptical about the idea of an open world FPS focusing on guerrilla warfare. It honestly sounds too good to ever actually happen and therefore will likely not happen thanks to the wizards of mediocrity over at Crytek.

Blimey. I better stop before I hurt myself.

Look for the gameplay reveal of Homefront: The Revolution at E3 next week.