PT – AKA: The scariest and most brilliant marketing ploy ever in the history of gaming. I don’t give a fuck who you are, this game will scare you. And frankly, I’m not even sure why that is. The premise is simple: you wake up in this dark ass room and must endlessly traverse a repeating hallway, all the while attempting to solve these elaborate ass puzzles that involve endless trials and error. Scary, right? In principle: not really. However, the demo is masterfully effective at creating a sense of overall dread and paranoia, thereby making even the most mundane task of circling through a familiar hallway fucking eviscerating.

Be it the severed head poet in your mother’s brown lunch bag spewing out all this cryptic shit on the table in the first room, the stalking shadows of Lisa treading behind you, a fucking alien fetus in the bathroom sink, or the worst, Lisa literally snapping your neck out of nowhere, you cannot escape the panic of playing this demo. There are also baby laughs, ghost moaning, a radio detailing the grisly murder of some very unfortunate women, and a creepy ass lantern that swings back and forth making the most unsettling squeaking noise since Spongebob’s boots.

Not to mention, you’re entirely defenseless – think Outlast but ten times worse – so good luck trying to man-handle this shit. All of this combined equals the most terrifying experience I’ve ever had in a game; literally making me want to shit myself. Repeatedly. And still keep on playing. It’s comparable to waking up in a room with 4 oiled men and having no recollection of why your butthole hurts so much – and likewise, this game is also a dream come true for me.

Once you’ve solved the Schrodinger’s Cat equivalent puzzle at the end of the demo, you’ll be rewarded with the ultimately anticlimactic trailer for Silent Hills. But I didn’t even give a shit because of how fantastic the demo was. It was finally a return to actual horror in video games. I cannot fucking wait for Silent Hills. Until then, I’ll keep playing PT and crying and shitting myself to sleep. Happily.